father's day

well - father's day - what's that all about

i wonder what it would be like to have had a father i actually cared about

i suppose i did care once, when i was a little boy - when i used to love him and look up to him and be desperate for his love and approval

thankfully - i can barely remember that time - i've already ranted about my dad so i'm not going to waste anymore breath on him

i'm just wondering how i feel about a day like this - it's strange as it's never meant anything to me really - i suppose that all special days are marketed as big events nowadays, so they seem a bigger deal than they used to be

i was destined never to have children - i'm really pleased about that - maybe that would've been different if i'd've been born a girl - perhaps i'd be broody now, panicking about my body clock about to conk out completely at any minute

but i've met a lot of gay guys who nurse this ambition to become parents - parents? that's a laugh - thinking of a child as this season's "must have" - like diesel underpants or and i-pad

and i believe that - men don't have maternal instincts no matter how GAAAAAAAY they are!

and no amount of habitat nursery furniture is going to change that

though i do wonder, would my upbringing have been any better had i been given to gay parents?

well, male gay relationships are historically short-lived - but having said that, my mum went through divorce proceedings against my dad about 3 times during my childhood - each time calling it all of as it was about to go to court

so although my sister and i were never considered to have come from a "broken home", we were put through the agonies leading up to that on a regular basis

no wonder then that i have no faith in the longevity of ANY relationship - least of all a gay one between two men (i am a man and know that we're animals - we're driven by sex, certainly in our youth)

i think women bring an emotional level to a relationship that can't exist between two men - i think that's born out by the most longstanding relationships being, generally, straight or lesbian

so considering how i turned out - the idea of a child having to go through breakups and new "step-dads" or uncles fills me with horror

yes - i know that couples are vetted before they can foster or adopt - fostering, i'm all for - especially for older children who need someone understanding in their corner - someone non-judgemental and supportive - yes, that would've been wonderful
and in that vein, i guess adopting would work for the same reasons

but who vets people to actually become parents? gay or straight for that matter

so much talk of "let's find a willing lesbian and a turkey baster" - really scary!!

you're gay! you're not destined to have kids - deal with it!!

i may love you - i may think you're the best person in the world - but at the end of the day, accept your lot in life and don't think about forcing your desires (cos that's all they are) on some poor unsuspecting, as yet, unborn child


i will say at the end of all this - this isn't a rant - i'm not some kind of religious or political fundamentalist - these are just my opinions

i certainly wouldn't hate or argue with anyone that doesn't fit in with these views - i just would like to see people take responsibility for who they are and how they live their own life before trying to give a life and an upbringing to someone else

there's a lot of dysfunction in a gay relationship - that just goes with the territory - i'm not sure of the value of that on a new born child

oh god - that's what father's day has done to me - turned me into a rambling homo!!!


sorry